This is my life for now

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hmmmm......it has been quite a long time since i last wrote here. I did get myself online almost everyday but I was just too lazy to update this blog of mine. hehehe;)

Alhamdulillah, now i'm less depress.
Maybe, it is because i'm surrounded by people who love and care about me and the best thing about it is i'm free to be who i wanna be.
Thank you very much people for making my days since i dropped out college.

Yeah, slowly i kind of accepting and enjoying my life now though i am stranded in this small town while all my friends are in college struggling to obtain their degree. To be honest, i envy you guys but i believe that i'm gonna be there soon too. very soon;) ameen~

If you are curious of what i'm doing now, here i am to update you.
I'm not studying anywhere right now and i'm not working though.
So, what am i doing?hehehe
Most of the days, I help my dad with his small business, selling fresh water fish at the market.
Normally, we will leave home around 6.30 am and we will be back by 12 noon.
The best part of it, i love to see how the day starts with the sunrise accompanying us when we leave home and seeing people starts their work early in the morning.
I adore early persons like those farmers and fishmongers very much cause i'm trying very hard to be one of them. hahaha~
Abah gives me 'upah' too and he never being so stingy if i were to buy anything such as newspapers, magazines etc.
I love this job=)

In the evening, it's the time to get fit and healthy.
I just started my losing weight plan by eating right and working out daily.
We'll see how it goes k;)
What i do?
Firstly, i really wanna Thank God cause I'm blessed with wonderful sisters.
We rock!!!!hehehe~
Girls, you are my sunshine=)
Ema, Nina, Adek and Dila, I LOVE YOU!
Now, working out is no longer a problem cause we have each other to remind ourselves to do it everyday.
It's either jogging, walking, playing badminton and even dancing.
Can't go this far without you girls=)
Let's keep it up and WE'LL SEE THE RESULT SOON!

Nights are spent for rest, thinking and having time with family.
No more staying up late cause i'm too tired to do so.

Now, i'm content with my life.
i accept it just the way as it is fated.
But one thing,
Ya Allah, please get me back to college life very soon.
I want to study! I want to earn a degree too!!
Learning something that I love.
InshAllah, everything is gonna be fine.
I'll make it. I'm being optimist towards You=)

people, do pray for me yea. Thanks=)
Hope you people are content with your life too.
Love it just the way it is;)
tc!

Hati ini

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Wahai hati,
Mengapakah kau masih milik dia?
Mengapakah kau masih belum mahu menyingkirkan dia, setelah sekian lama?
Mengapakah kau masih milik dunia?

Wahai hati,
Andai kau bisa merasai dan memahami bahawa dia tidak baik untukmu,
Tapi kau tetap berkeras bahawa kau begitu cinta dan sayang padanya,
BENARKAH ITU KATA-KATAMU WAHAI HATI ATAU KATA-KATA SANG NAFSU DURJANA?

Wahai hati,
tolonglah bantu aku kali ini,
jangan jatuhkan dan lemahkan aku lagi,
bantu aku untuk kembali berdiri bermaruah dan megah,

Wahai hati,
aku tahu, ini tidak mudah bagi kamu,
TETAPI KALI INI, KITA BERDUA PERLU LAKUKAN INI,
TIDAK BOLEH TUNGGU LAGI,

Wahai hati,
aku tidak memaksamu melupakan dia atau membenci dia,
tetapi kau perlu tinggalkan dia kali ini, dengan hidupnya sendiri,
kerana kau belum cukup kuat,
BELUM CUKUP KUAT UNTUK MENANGKIS AJAKAN DOSANYA,
APATAH LAGI UNTUK MEMBIMBINGNYA,
kau tidak kejam jika kau berbuat demikian,
MALAH ITU SATU KEPERLUAN SEGERA UNTUKMU,
KAU PERLU LAKUKAN INI,
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Wahai hatiku sayang,
aku harap kau mengerti=)

I'm not that cheap!!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It's time to let myself free of those negative thoughts!!
I love myself.
I will never harm myself with stupid acts.
I will never be that two persons again.
I will just be me!
Start with a small step but keep walking without turning back.
(sedikit, tapi berterusan)

a man, if he loves you and want you to be his wife,
he will protect you,
he tries his best not to hurt you,
he will not take advantage on you,
he wont influence you to do bad things!!!!!
cause you are future mom to his kids!!!!!
so wake up darling,
remember what buzai said,

" tak perlu tercari-cari, tak perlu menanti-menanti, percayalah jodoh di tangan Allah, sentiasalah berdoa semoga bertemu jodoh yang soleh dan dapat menerima diri kita seadanya. ubah diri menjadi lebih baik, insyAllah jodoh kita pun baik"

first love,
biasalah, susah nak lupa,
tapi perlu ingat,
sayang diri sendiri dulu, baru sayang orang lain!!!!!!

Ya Allah,
berikan hamba taufik dan hidayah,
permudahkan urusan dunia dan akhirat hamba,
ameen=)

There's nothing left

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Have you been in a situation where you are walking around without any direction in your mind?
Some people call it to be a zombie in this real world.
Yes, i've been there.
it was horrible and sickening!!!

for everything that has happened in my life, there's nobody to be blamed.
neither me myself, him, environment, family or God!
it's just fated that way.
i have to accept it as part of my life wholeheartedly with no regret or killing guilt.
is that really guilt or ignorance?

i need space people.
i need a breeze of fresh air.
and actually i do have one, but it's just me who refuse to embrace myself in my new life.
why not dear??
there's nothing left there!
no point of holding on!
why not??
why??

Love should not bring you down

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Love. Something that each and every one of us looks for in our life.
What is love actually?
Honestly, I can't tell.

I'm hurt when I realize how love brings me to endless desperation.
Maybe it's not love.
Love should not bring you down right?
In fact, it's the one who should make you get STRONGER in every move that you make.
If it's love, it's gonna make you value and love yourself even more not slowly and silently sabotaging your self-esteem.

It's over for me.
I had enough of it.
I'm not going to look for it anymore and maybe this time i should just let it find me.
I believe, someday he'll come.
He will make me recognize myself again.
He likes me just the way i am.
His love is to give and take, share, learn and work together.
I will wait for you love!!
I know someday you'll be here, here in my heat=)

Life is your life.
That means you should value every single second of it.
Life is all about making decisions.
One decision leads to another chapter of your life.
Yes, we do make wrong decisions every time which lead us to a chapter that you never wish to be there.
But, once you decide, there's no turning back!
All you can do is move on and live with the choice that you make.

But one thing that is good about life is we are allowed to make wrong decisions.
But, with conditions.
1st, you should learn from the wrong ones so that you make the right ones more next time!
Second, no regrets of the past!
Third, never expect to make right decisions all the time!
Last, don't stop learning and improving!

Love and life,
are part of me,
how I wish they treat me better next time,
I should not just wish, let's do!

Quotable quote of the day:

"Disappointment, defeat, and even apparent failure are in no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them so"

=)

Have a blessed day peeps;)

I just don't give my best yet, i did'nt fail;)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It has been about 2 months since I registered for form 6 at SMK Buyong Adil Tapah.
The 2 months flew just like that without me being serious and committed to it.
Maybe i need time to accept the fact that I'm gonna start it all over again and adapt myself to that new environment.
I felt so boring at school because their mentality and the way they mix around are so much different from me. Plus, I miss learning everything in English and speak English in class.
I was so pessimist to this course, doubting whether the subjects that I'm taking is gonna help me getting into university.

Now, it's the other way around.
I miss school.
I can't wait to go to school this Monday though I'm gonna be shot with questions for not coming to school for 8 days.
Plus, I need to hand in 2 assignments which I'm still working on it.
It's okay. It's okay.
Just go to school. Assignments is another story.
Try to finish it these 2 days, if you can't, just prepare to lose marks okay;) it's not that bad compared to skipping class right?huhuhu~

One more thing that is always bothering me is that, what course should I be taking after STPM?
At first, I'm thinking of doing Law but after realizing that Law needs a lot of heavy reading and being a lawyer does not necessarily gives me high income to pay all my debts, I think I'm gonna drop law from my list. What do you think?
Now, I'm thinking of doing Economics. Why?
For now, I opt for it because personally I find it more fun to study since it's analytical yet critical and progressive.
I mean it's not just about reading and memorizing facts that have been set by somebody like Law is. I have friends who find reading law fun to them but I just feel that I'm not really into it.
Plus, I prefer Economics because it's only 3 years course. hehehe. So I would save one year=)

For now, let's leave it as KIV first.
What is more important is, I have to start getting serious in my studies.
I have to get straight A's for STPM and secure a place in University of Malaya.
Then, maybe I can try my luck for JPA scholarship;)
Ya Allah, please help me to achieve this and guide me on my way to get there.
ameen~

I DID NOT FAIL BEFORE, I JUST DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH TO SUCCEED !!!
SO, LET'S GIVE ANOTHER BEST TRY!!!!

people, please pray for me yea;)
May Allah bless you always=)
tc!



UM sweetheart, wait for me yea;) i will b there soon!!!

Life has more to offer=)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ohh, actually my life is'nt that bad.
I should be grateful and make full use of it.
Appreciate each day as it comes,
past is past, regretting it bring no good to me,
future is secret, worrying too much about it is not for me,
now is all that i have, should enjoy it;)

Yeah, all i need to do is open up and share what i feel with others=)
Should never keep everything to myself but keeping a few is ok;)

Ohh, it's not easy to earn money and i see how my parents work for it.
Should not simply ask money from them, ask only what i need not what i want.
Should help mum with house chores and dad with his business.
No more laze around k;)

I need to reduce my addiction to YM.
Should stop making new contacts from chat rooms since you already know who most of them really are.

Oh, school will start next week!
Let's get serious this time.
No more excuses ok;)

Last but not least,

I LOVE MYSELF,
I LOVE MY FAMILY,
I LOVE MY BFF'S,
so, i should not hurt myself and others anymore;)

people, please pray that i'll do well this time=)
thx!!!
have a nice day;)