How Lucky I am if....

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Alhamdulillah, i just finished my usrah after about 2 weeks i missed it.
I feel so much refreshed.
Just now, we discussed about surah Al-Ikhlas which is claimed to be one third of Al-Quran.
Now, only I realize why.
In this surah, lie the fundamentals of our aqidah.

Katakanlah (Muhammad), "Dialah Allah, Yang Maha Esa. Allah tempat meminta segala sesuatu. (Allah) tidak beranak dan tidak pula diperanakkan. Dan tidak ada sesuatu yang setara dengan Dia."

Surah Al-Ikhlas, 112:1-4

From this surah, i realize that actually our tauhid is the most holistic one compared to other religions.
Why?
Because our tauhid consists of 3 major things which are synonym to us.
1. Tauhid Ad-Dhamir(we feel that we need God in our life)
2. Tafsir Al-Wujud ( this universe is governed by Allah's system & The Earth is created for humans to be its khalifah, Habluminallah & Habluminannas)
3. Minhajun Hayat ( a way of life which suites our fitrah=Islam)

*any mistakes here, plz correct me yea.jazakillah=)

So, we muslims, if we claim so, should be grateful that we are choosing the best way of life which is Islam.
There are no other religions in this world which can fit these criteria of a holistic way of life.
But then, why we, the so-called muslim choose not to practise Islam entirely in our life
Let's think about it!!!

Just now, i consulted Sis Syahira about my concern on my tarbiyah.
I just feel that i'm lacking of so many things that i need to acquire as a muslimah.
My islamic fikrah(jati diri) is shaking and I'm so worry about that.
I can feel that I can't face this confusing world unless with my firm aqidah and complete understanding of my way of life=Islam.
She told me that the most important thing is mindset.
What am i searching for?
Why am i doing this?
What is my close reference in whatever i do in life?
She concluded that usrah is a way for me to be nutured and educated with Islamic fikrah.
But usrah is not just the sittings that we have every week but it starts when the sitting ends until we meet again the next sitting.
One more thing she stressed on is that we need to put extra effort in order to understand Islam as we do to understand Physics, Chemistry, Furthermaths etc.
We need to do 'homework', 'exercises', 'attend lectures' and etc.
So, why not we do the same to understand Islam, our saviour from hell fire in the future.

Ya Allah, please ease my way in seeking my trueself, seeking You.
I'm so afraid that i will lose this feeling again.
Ya Allah, please protect my heart from jahiliyah and maksiat.
Ya Allah, please make me always remember who am I, I'm Your slave and I got a mission to be accomplished.
Ya Allah, please make my heart sincere, pure and strong in finding You.
Ya Allah, I put all my hopes on You.
ameen~

Life that I've Wasted

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

In the name of Allah, My Creator, My Rabb, My Benefactor, The One should I love=)

Praise and syukur to You Ya Allah,
for giving me hopes to continue this life again.
Life that i've wasted before.
Forgive me Ya Allah.

Now, I realize that life can be meaningful.
I'm here with a purpose.
To Obey Allah.
To enjoy life as Allah orders me to do.
Act, I have everything.
Allah who always there for me.
Mak and Abah who always love me.
Ema who always cheers me up.
Nina who always reminds me for my innocence.
Adek who always alert with my changes in life.
Nadhilah who always reminds me about our fitrah, clean from sins.

I have my sahabats who always support me.
Awin,
thank you for listening to my endless inner conflicts.
thank you for the time that you spent with me.
thank you for brighten up my days since we met.

Ain,
thank you for your concern.
thank you for your inspirational quotes.
thank you for teaching me the meaning of ukhwah.

Maryam,
jazakillah for everything.
though i just know you.
so sorry if i can't be a good sahabat to you.
thank you for your advices.
thank you for sharing with me the biah.
thank you for accompanying me when i have nobody to turn to.

Laili,
jazakillah sahabat.
i share a lot with you.
i learn a lot from you too.
" Hati dekat dgn Allah"
" Kekuatan itu dari Allah"
I will always remember that.
sorry for burdening you with my problems.
thank you for listening.
thank you for being there when i need someone to talk to.

Roy,
aku sayang kau.
though kita dah lame x spend mase sama2.
aku ingat lagi time aku bengong2 kau yang rajin layan cite aku.
ko ckp mmg selamba, tp penuh makna bg aku.
thank you for being my friend.
thank you for everything.

Faas,
miss u baby.
thank you for being my fren.
"don't dwell hard here. move on. got more chapters to go. colourful ones."
i like it.
love sharing experiences with you.
may Allah bless you always.

Faiz,
thank you for being my sahabat since we 1st came to taylors.
u know a lot bout me.
thank you for your support.
i really appreciate it.

A-Levels frens,
i learn a lot from u guys too.
forgive me for my conducts.
forgive me if i hurt anyone of u.

Myhousemates,

Dila,
Sowy for not being a good fren for you.
Sowy for that 'stupid incident'.
I did'nt mean it.
Please forgive me.

Anna,
Sowy for not being a good fren to you.
Sowy for not trying to understand u guys earlier.
I wish I could.
Please forgive me for that 'stupid incident' too.

Lynn,
Sowy for being judgemental to you.
I know you're a nice girl.
Hope you can find The Truth one day.
Will always pray that Allah will always protects you.
Your words that time taught me a lot of things.
Thank you.
Forgive me yea=)

Ain,
Thank you for the Pillow Talk that we had.
You cheers me up.
You make me realized that life has more things to offer.
You told me don't think too much, don't be sad, make friends.
"One thing that never changes in life is change itself"
" Kalau gi mana2 new place, cpt2 buat kawan, nti senang, lg pown kt c2 kita bkn ade sape2, kwnla tmpt kite share problems"
I will always remember that.
Thank you dear.

Fiqah baby,
hye............!!!!!!
that's wut you always say when you meet me.
nobody did that before.
hahaha=P
we share a lot of things.
laugh and tears.
gud luck in ur studies.
u can do it!!!
thank you babe=)

Ya Allah.
Act, my life is not as lonely and empty as I thought.
There are more things it can offer. Colourful ones.
I need to open my heart, see the world with my heart.
So, liza dear,
Let's start again.
It's a new beginning.
Good Luck!!!!

Aku Ingin Melihat Dunia Dengan Mata Hati

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Astaghfirullahal'azim.
Astaghfirullahal'azim.
Astaghfirullahal'azim.

Ya Allah.
Aku lemah Ya Allah.
Aku tahu, aku yang pilih untuk berpaling dariMu.
Aku sedar, apa yang aku lakukan selama ini hanya mengikut nafsuku semata.
Aku kesal, aku lebih peduli apa mereka kata, dari apa yang Engkau pinta.

Ya Allah.
Selama ini aku melihat dunia dalam keadaan teraba-raba.
Aku keliru dengan dunia.
Aku turut perasaanku yang lara.
Aku isi kekosongan hidupku dengan sesuatu yang sia-sia lagi hina.

Ya Allah.
Jika inilah suratan takdirMu.
Aku redha.
Ya, kali ini aku redha.

Ya Allah.
Sentuhlah kembali hati ini untuk pulang kepadaMu.
Telah jauh.
Sungguh jauh.
Aku tersasar.
Hampir mati Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.
Beri aku harapan untuk mulakan lagi hidup ini.
Yang telah sekian lama aku rasa tidak beerti.
Aku tak tahu Ya Allah.
Apakah yang aku alami ini.
Cuma apa yang aku rasa ialah kecelaruan diri.
Celaru sangat Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.
Apalah erti keberadaan ku ini.
Ku tak pasti.
Ku amat perlukan bimbingan Ya Allah.
Bimbinglah hamba Ya Allah.
Pujuklah hati hamba Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.
Tiba-tiba, aku rasa hidup ini tiada erti.
Tiada apa yang bisa mengisi kekosongan hati ini.
Puas aku mencari.
Hingga aku terhenyak ke lembah hina.
Tapi, Kau masih sayang padaku Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.
Aku ingin melihat dunia dengan mata hati.
Merasa hidup berTuhankanMu Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.
Ajarku cara menjadi hambaMu.
Ajarku cara melaksanakan tanggungjawabku kepadaMu.
Ajarku cara untuk mencintaiMu dalam seluruh nafasku.

Ya Allah.
Aku ingin kembali.
Aku ingin berubah.
Aku sangat butuhkan keampunanMu.

Terimalah taubatku Ya Allah.
Pelihara hatiku yang liar ini.
Agar sentiasa mengingatiMu.
MerinduiMu.
MendahulukanMu dalam segala urusan.

Ya Allah.
Aku ingin melihat dunia dengan mata hati.
Kerana hanya dengan itu kutemui ketenangan.
Sungguh.
Sungguh.
Hanya dengan mengingatiMu hatiku tenang.

Ya Allah.
Aku rindu Kamu=)

Where's My U-turn???

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ya Allah.
I don't know why i'm feeling this way these last years.
I feel my life is empty.
No urge to move on in life.
I feel so hopeless.
It's so much different now.
Never thought of it before.

Free time is killing me.
Loneliness is making it even worst.
I need somebody to talk to.
To share my feelings and thoughts.
Yes, tarbiyah opens my eyes to a brighter side of life.
But, it takes time for me to digest that.
Even to make it works for me.

Ya Allah.
Thank you for all these tests.
But, my Rabb,
I just can't take it anymore.
Please guide me.
I did so many things wrongly.
Honestly, i feel so sad right now.
Feel like running away.
To find peace.
To find You.
This world is confusing me.

Ya Allah.
Change the way i see life.
Change the way i understand the purpose of me being here.
Let me see it from The Window of Islam.
Though people see it from many windows.
Broken windows.
Dusty windows.
Opaque windows.

Ya Allah.
Make me strong.
Make me not easily affected by what people say about me.
Make me patient in finding You.
Coz so far i haven't found You.
It's a long road.
Guide me Ya Allah.
Don't let me astray from this road.
Amin=)

Years of Loneliness

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

ermm.
ups and downs in life.
they are always there.
that's life.
falling again?
hurt?
never mind=)
don't stop climbing.
continue dear.
with bigger hopes.
and this time be more alert.
watch out for any trap.
don't fall to it again.
ok?
=)

****************

Am i fated to be a lone ranger?
I always feel lonely.
Like stranded in an isolated island.
My heart is empty.
For so many years.
I tried to fill it with a man's love before.
I'm not happy though.

Then studying in this college making me lonely evenmore.
No friends' shoulder to cry on.
I can't stand this actually.
All the time, i'm the one who need to understand and please them.
But they never understand me.
You hurt me girls!!!


I'm an emotional person.
I see the world with my heart.
I think with my heart.
I decide everything with my heart.
That's where i always get trapped.
Trapped by my own heart.
Unguided heart.


I think Allah wants to teach me something.
That i should'nt bother to win people's love but win His love first.
His love is enough for me.
And you will never feel lonely.

Sometimes, i feel that life is nothing.
Life is full with injustice.
People themselves create this.
You can see it everywhere in this world.
People are going against their fitrah.
I think everybody feels this, but nobody shouts it out.
They just follow the flow.

Only Islam can save us.
From all this miseries.
From all this loneliness.
From all this emptiness of life.

I know it.
But I always get confused by the world.
I can't really see the beauty of Islam.
It's ' tenggelam dan timbul'.
The biah is not there.
So, should i go to somewhere that i can find the biah?
Or should i create the biah?
Can I do it??

It's all about removing all the stains of jahiliyah in myself.
I hate this world.
I feel like going to somewhere where i can find peace.
To treat my heart.
My heart hurts.
It's shouting to be filled with something.
and I haven't found it yet.

Should i wait???

waallahu'alam=)