Love should not bring you down

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Love. Something that each and every one of us looks for in our life.
What is love actually?
Honestly, I can't tell.

I'm hurt when I realize how love brings me to endless desperation.
Maybe it's not love.
Love should not bring you down right?
In fact, it's the one who should make you get STRONGER in every move that you make.
If it's love, it's gonna make you value and love yourself even more not slowly and silently sabotaging your self-esteem.

It's over for me.
I had enough of it.
I'm not going to look for it anymore and maybe this time i should just let it find me.
I believe, someday he'll come.
He will make me recognize myself again.
He likes me just the way i am.
His love is to give and take, share, learn and work together.
I will wait for you love!!
I know someday you'll be here, here in my heat=)

Life is your life.
That means you should value every single second of it.
Life is all about making decisions.
One decision leads to another chapter of your life.
Yes, we do make wrong decisions every time which lead us to a chapter that you never wish to be there.
But, once you decide, there's no turning back!
All you can do is move on and live with the choice that you make.

But one thing that is good about life is we are allowed to make wrong decisions.
But, with conditions.
1st, you should learn from the wrong ones so that you make the right ones more next time!
Second, no regrets of the past!
Third, never expect to make right decisions all the time!
Last, don't stop learning and improving!

Love and life,
are part of me,
how I wish they treat me better next time,
I should not just wish, let's do!

Quotable quote of the day:

"Disappointment, defeat, and even apparent failure are in no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them so"

=)

Have a blessed day peeps;)

I just don't give my best yet, i did'nt fail;)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It has been about 2 months since I registered for form 6 at SMK Buyong Adil Tapah.
The 2 months flew just like that without me being serious and committed to it.
Maybe i need time to accept the fact that I'm gonna start it all over again and adapt myself to that new environment.
I felt so boring at school because their mentality and the way they mix around are so much different from me. Plus, I miss learning everything in English and speak English in class.
I was so pessimist to this course, doubting whether the subjects that I'm taking is gonna help me getting into university.

Now, it's the other way around.
I miss school.
I can't wait to go to school this Monday though I'm gonna be shot with questions for not coming to school for 8 days.
Plus, I need to hand in 2 assignments which I'm still working on it.
It's okay. It's okay.
Just go to school. Assignments is another story.
Try to finish it these 2 days, if you can't, just prepare to lose marks okay;) it's not that bad compared to skipping class right?huhuhu~

One more thing that is always bothering me is that, what course should I be taking after STPM?
At first, I'm thinking of doing Law but after realizing that Law needs a lot of heavy reading and being a lawyer does not necessarily gives me high income to pay all my debts, I think I'm gonna drop law from my list. What do you think?
Now, I'm thinking of doing Economics. Why?
For now, I opt for it because personally I find it more fun to study since it's analytical yet critical and progressive.
I mean it's not just about reading and memorizing facts that have been set by somebody like Law is. I have friends who find reading law fun to them but I just feel that I'm not really into it.
Plus, I prefer Economics because it's only 3 years course. hehehe. So I would save one year=)

For now, let's leave it as KIV first.
What is more important is, I have to start getting serious in my studies.
I have to get straight A's for STPM and secure a place in University of Malaya.
Then, maybe I can try my luck for JPA scholarship;)
Ya Allah, please help me to achieve this and guide me on my way to get there.
ameen~

I DID NOT FAIL BEFORE, I JUST DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH TO SUCCEED !!!
SO, LET'S GIVE ANOTHER BEST TRY!!!!

people, please pray for me yea;)
May Allah bless you always=)
tc!



UM sweetheart, wait for me yea;) i will b there soon!!!

Life has more to offer=)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ohh, actually my life is'nt that bad.
I should be grateful and make full use of it.
Appreciate each day as it comes,
past is past, regretting it bring no good to me,
future is secret, worrying too much about it is not for me,
now is all that i have, should enjoy it;)

Yeah, all i need to do is open up and share what i feel with others=)
Should never keep everything to myself but keeping a few is ok;)

Ohh, it's not easy to earn money and i see how my parents work for it.
Should not simply ask money from them, ask only what i need not what i want.
Should help mum with house chores and dad with his business.
No more laze around k;)

I need to reduce my addiction to YM.
Should stop making new contacts from chat rooms since you already know who most of them really are.

Oh, school will start next week!
Let's get serious this time.
No more excuses ok;)

Last but not least,

I LOVE MYSELF,
I LOVE MY FAMILY,
I LOVE MY BFF'S,
so, i should not hurt myself and others anymore;)

people, please pray that i'll do well this time=)
thx!!!
have a nice day;)

Eid Mubarak=)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar Walillahilham~

Welcome Shawal and I really hope this Eid is gonna bring bless and fresh air in my life.
It was Eid.
Nothing special this year, it's always the same like the years before.
But, one thing i will never forget was the moment i asked forgiveness from my beloved parents; mak and abah=)
This was the 1st time i truly begged for their forgiveness sincerely from the bottom of my heart.
I was not shy to admit my mistakes and yes they forgived me.
I was relieved.

I did not visit anybody for this day.
I offered myself to entertain the guests at home since I have no plan for this 1st day of Eid.
I hope the KONVOI and REUNION that we've been planning will turn out well because I really want to meet all my friends. Miss u guys damn much!!

But, something is missing.
The feeling of 'kembali kepada fitrah' that I felt last year was not there.
Maybe it's because I commit so many sins and last Ramadhan was not fully utilized to clean them all=(
Ya Allah, please let me meet Ramadhan again next year. ameen~

EID MUBARAK people!!!
Please forgive me for all the wrongs that I did yea=(
Have a nice and blessed EID this year!!
Take care, AVOID OVER EATING YEA!!
hehehe;)

Till then. Nite=)

Menunggu Bulan Jatuh ke Riba

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Sehingga sekarang, aku masih belum bisa berfikir dan bertindak secara dewasa.
Malah, kadang-kadang aku rasakan diriku ini lebih bersifat keanak-anakan.
Kegilaan kanak-kanak, keinginan kanak-kanak, kedegilan kanak-kanak dan jiwa kanak-kanak mungkin.
Patutkah aku yang sudah berumur 20 tahun berkelakuan sedemikian rupa?
Atau sebenarnya umur 20 tahun itu belum cukup untuk membuatkanku dewasa?

Semakin hari, aku terasa matlamat hidupku semakin kabur.
Aku asyik berdolak dalih dengan diri sendiri.
Aku tahu tujuan hidupku adalah untuk beribadah kepadaNya, tetapi aku tetap menyimpang dari tujuan itu.
Mengapa?
Mengapa?
Aku tidak punya jawapan untuk itu.
Cuma itulah yang aku rasa sekarang, berbelah bagi!

Kini aku dapat rasakan aku sangat jauh dariNya.
Aku sendiri memilih untuk menjauhkan diri.
Ingin bebas, kataku.
Ingin menjadi diri sendiri, jeritku.
Ingin dipandang seperti orang biasa, luahku.

Sejak hatiku terluka oleh si dia,
Aku benci dia tetapi masih tidak berdaya membuangnya dari hidupku,
Malah, akulah yang berulangkali mencarinya kembali,
Kini cintaku padanya tidak semurni dulu lagi,
Tidak seikhlas dan sejujur dulu lagi,
Hanya nafsu bersulam kebencian.
Maafkan aku, engkaulah yang membuatku menjadi sekejam ini,
kerana engkau berani-beraninya mengkhianati diri ini,
yang tulus mencintaimu sepenuh hati,
JADI LEBIH BAIK KALI INI, AKU BENAR-BENAR PERGI!
USAH KAU TANYA KENAPA!
KERANA SEBENARNYA ENGKAU TIDAK PERNAH PEDULI KENAPA!

Ya Allah,
Mengapakah diri ini tidak pernah bersyukur atas segala yang Engkau beri?
Sentiasa berasa tidak cukup dan mahu itu dan ini,
Sedangkan sebenarnya, aku amat-amatlah bertuah.
Berangan-angan alangkah bahagianya hidup mewah,
Bermimpi-mimpi betapa untungnya memiliki rupa paras yang cantik,
Bercita-cita alangkah gembiranya apabila diri ini ada yang menghargai dan mencintai,

Ya Allah,
Sedarkanlah hamba bahawa hamba adalah sangat-sangat bertuah,
hamba dilahirkan sebagai seorang Islam walaupun belum Islam jiwanya,
hamba masih punya ibubapa yang amat menyayangi hamba walaupun hamba tidak berbakti pada mereka,
hamba punya adik-adik untuk digelar saudara walaupun hamba bukan kakak terbaik buat mereka,
hamba cukup makan, cukup pakai, punya tempat berlindung malah hampir semua keinginan hamba dapat ditunaikan oleh ibubapa hamba selagi keinginan itu mampu mereka tunaikan,
hamba punya tubuh badan yang sempurna dan sihat walaupun hamba tidaklah secantik bidadari idaman setiap lelaki,

Tetapi Ya Rabbi,
MENGAPA HAMBA MASIH BELUM MERASA CUKUP?
MENGAPA HAMBA MASIH BELUM MERASA BAHAGIA?
MENGAPA HAMBA MASIH MENDAMBAKAN PERHATIAN DAN CINTA MANUSIA?
MENGAPA HAMBA MASIH TIDAK BERSYUKUR?

Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui segala kecelaruan yang berkecamuk di hati dan fikiran hamba,
Hamba berdolak-dalih dengan perintahMu,
Hamba berkira-kira dengan suruhanMu,
Hamba patuh sedikit, ingkarnya banyak.

Ampunkan hamba ya Allah,
Tunjukkanlah hamba jalan bahagia,
BAHAGIA UNTUK SELAMA-LAMANYA=)

I'm still stranded here=(

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I have been skipping class for 2 weeks.
I just received a call from the office, but i did'nt pick it up=(
huhuhu....i know, my mistake here, but i just can't tell them why am i skipping class so far.
I don't find school encouraging and interesting anymore.
I'm bored at school.
First, my classmates are all 2 years younger than me and i find it's not that easy to catch up with them. Believe me, i tried.
Second, my Bahasa sucks. Now, i learn everything in Bahasa after years of English. Not easy man! You kind of missing the English words...huhuhu
Third, i hate seeing myself in school uniform again after 2 years of freedom in college.

But........................
I know all these are just excuses!!
ESCAPISM.
These are the symptoms of escapism.
Am i going to repeat the same failure like i did in Taylors?
Nooooooooooooooooooooo.
I'm not!!!!

My Sis said this,
" Kak, dlu ko yang pilih nak study under petronas then ko x buat betul2, skrg nie ko jugak yang pilih nak amik stpm, x kn ko nak main2 lagi. Ko fikirla sendiri kak!"

I was speechless when i heard this.
I knew it's so true.
The problem is just me not the program that i'm taking.

InsyAllah, i will go to school after raya and never skip class again okay=)
Promise!!!
Pray for me that i'll make this promise yea=)
Till then.
Have a nice day people;D

maybe i found it back

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm tired of making fun of myself.
Let's come back to earth and live life to the fullest.
Hoping for what's not ours is sickening and hurting us so much.
So my dear, work on what you have and make your life happier with it.
Accept your fate with your sincere heart and keep going!!
Move on please. Let's make another chapter of your life!!!

ONCE YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE, NEVER TURN BACK, JUST WALK STRAIGHT!!
THERE YOU GO GIRL!!!

p/s: aitidal, idah, awin, ain, yun, faiz and all my frens i miss u guys. thx for all your support=)