Years of Loneliness

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

ermm.
ups and downs in life.
they are always there.
that's life.
falling again?
hurt?
never mind=)
don't stop climbing.
continue dear.
with bigger hopes.
and this time be more alert.
watch out for any trap.
don't fall to it again.
ok?
=)

****************

Am i fated to be a lone ranger?
I always feel lonely.
Like stranded in an isolated island.
My heart is empty.
For so many years.
I tried to fill it with a man's love before.
I'm not happy though.

Then studying in this college making me lonely evenmore.
No friends' shoulder to cry on.
I can't stand this actually.
All the time, i'm the one who need to understand and please them.
But they never understand me.
You hurt me girls!!!


I'm an emotional person.
I see the world with my heart.
I think with my heart.
I decide everything with my heart.
That's where i always get trapped.
Trapped by my own heart.
Unguided heart.


I think Allah wants to teach me something.
That i should'nt bother to win people's love but win His love first.
His love is enough for me.
And you will never feel lonely.

Sometimes, i feel that life is nothing.
Life is full with injustice.
People themselves create this.
You can see it everywhere in this world.
People are going against their fitrah.
I think everybody feels this, but nobody shouts it out.
They just follow the flow.

Only Islam can save us.
From all this miseries.
From all this loneliness.
From all this emptiness of life.

I know it.
But I always get confused by the world.
I can't really see the beauty of Islam.
It's ' tenggelam dan timbul'.
The biah is not there.
So, should i go to somewhere that i can find the biah?
Or should i create the biah?
Can I do it??

It's all about removing all the stains of jahiliyah in myself.
I hate this world.
I feel like going to somewhere where i can find peace.
To treat my heart.
My heart hurts.
It's shouting to be filled with something.
and I haven't found it yet.

Should i wait???

waallahu'alam=)